Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
