sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
do nipples grow back?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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