i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
