how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
