there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize