I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
