And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
