I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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