On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
