Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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