I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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