I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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