i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
