she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
