he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
