and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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