u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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