so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
