My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
