i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
