Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
