I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
