I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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