are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
