No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
