Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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