she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
