No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
