And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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