piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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