It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
