tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
