the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
