The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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