I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
