tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
