No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
