Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
