My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
