Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
