I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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