dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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