yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
