Your face is a jimmy john
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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