we have pet lesbian snakes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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