Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My dick has a subreddit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
