i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
