Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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