I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
