textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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