I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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