Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
