She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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