I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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