mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
