Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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