Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
