Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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