Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
