If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
