i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
