I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
