had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
