He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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