he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
