WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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