I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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