mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
