she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
