Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my shit smells like andre
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
