I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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