I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
