I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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