Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
