I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
