Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
